Getting What You Need

On January 8, 2013 I made a commitment to myself, one that I have made many times before and failed.  As I made this vow to myself I hope and pray that the light will finally come on, and my body will respond in kind.  I want to be able to run and jump and lead an all around active lifestyle.  I want to be able to pass on an attitude of health to my son, so he doesn’t get caught in the same trap I have been in for the last 38 years.  I don’t want him to go through the ridicule I went through in my school years, being the FAT kid.  I have been the butt of many jokes, and heard the whispers in the halls at school and what no one realized is the words that I said to myself were worse then anything anyone could have said to me.

I am happy to be taking on this journey again as I feel that no matter how long it takes me to reach my goal, by starting today I am one step closer then if I had not started at all!  We live in a world of instant gratification and that makes this all the more difficult.  There are going to be ups and downs and this isn’t always going to be filled with joy and laughter.  There has to be some sweat and tears in order to surpass your biggest demons.  There are things all around that will try and defeat you before you ever even try to succeed, so I am walking this path minute by minute because that is what I am able to handle.

For the first time in my life I am finally doing this for me, not because my parents wanted me too, not because the kids at school ridiculed me, not because I wanted to be a smaller size but because I am ready to be a better me!  I want to learn to love myself and hopefully be able to inspire those around me and help them reach their goals, whatever they may be.  I look for things that will inspire me every day and help me get a positive attitude about what ever the day may bring.   So today I leave you with this video, which leaves me covered in goose bumps and tears running down my face and with the sense that I can do whatever I put my mind too!

Down Is Better Than Up!

This morning as I woke, I knew exactly what day it was! Time to be accountable for all that I have or haven't done and the scale would give me the answer. I did my normal routine, use the bathroom, stare at the scale, brush my teeth, stare at the scale and finally I get in the shower all the while still staring at the scale. I was excited and anxious to see where I was this week as last week had left me more than discouraged, but I persevered and continued so that I could get to this day.

So I finally get out of the shower, jump on the scale and it tells me that the battery is dead! GREAT! I finally got the courage to stand here in all my naked glory to see what this week's outcome would bring and apparently it was dead batteries! Of all the challenges, I did not need this one this morning. Part of me thought, oh forget about it, just weigh yourself next week but I knew that would not help! As I continued on my mission to get my weekly number I turned the scale over to find out that it is not just your typical AAA or AA battery, NO it is one of those dumb little round ones and who keeps those on hand! JUST GREAT!!! I holler at my husband, who has so graciously dealt with me these past couple weeks as I have begun to start my life long journey of becoming a better and healthier ME! Luckily I am married to an amazing man, so of course he has the battery I need and now I am back to the scale! I put the scale down; wipe my eyes a couple times because I can't possibly be seeing this correctly. I jump on the scale a couple more times just to make sure it is reading properly and once I realize the scale is correct; I think to myself are you fucking kidding me, .6 pounds, what kind of a number is that. I felt deflated! I walked around huffing and puffing on the verge of tears and wondering why I even bother! My husband says "babe, it is better then no weight loss", which doesn't seem to make me feel any better as I stare at his lean frame knowing he eats whatever he wants and still looks great!

After a few moments of having my pity party I finally begin to calm down and decided to reach out to my friends on Facebook, because this girl could use any and all positive affirmations today. As my day gets on I realize that I am .6 pounds lighter then I was yesterday, I am no longer in my 20's and that I must work even harder to commit to my health. I get so lost in the numbers that I drive myself crazy, and what I need to do is think of it in days, weeks, months and years and realize that every tenth of a pound is one step closer to the woman I was born to be!