Drama

Although I profess to not want drama in my life, I seem to have the uncanny ability to create it. I have learned alot, loved hard and lost myself or rather pieces of me. I exude patience in most aspects of my life, except when it comes to love. I have not learned to be patient with love. I am used to doing it my way - Spoiled, spoiled rotten!

I have issues accepting love the way it is presented to me. Realizing that just because someone does not love the way I would (with reckless abandon) does not mean they are loving wrong. I want to be loved and accepted, but have not learned to love and accept.

How many times must I push until I push so hard that there is no coming back. Will I be able to pull back in order to let it come in? Can I get back to the honest, heartfelt, butterflies & forehead kisses? Am I enough? I do know sometimes you have to let go to get back. How long does this take? Is there a timeline on love?

I am in love, I am feeling love, but did I wipe it away? Is the honeymoon over? I am ready for it to begin?

Can We Live

Love, honesty, integrity, sincerity. . .Make me love, make me whole, make me believe. I need to feel you, hear you, smell you, taste you!! Do you understand my need? Are we lost, can we be found? Can we make love, make us whole, without being one, without being two. But living honestly amongst each other, feeling, breathing, touching, seeing. . .

loving the other one

How is it that it becomes easier to give of your body and not your soul. I am in a loving relationship that I hold dear to my heart, but there is always this yearning and desire to seek out other men. I am not sure if this is part of who I am or the years have conditioned my soul to think that I am not worthy to be the only one.

I never realized all these years of bed hopping would only lead me to want more! I always told myself I want a relationship someone I can come home too and share my world with, and all I can think about is trying to have sex wtih another man. My head and heart knows that this is not right, nor is it truly what I want.

I seem to have intimacy problems when it comes to the man that I share my life with. I do not want to do all of the fun sexual things that I was doing before. I have realized that while I can fully love someone, I cannot love someone and feel a sexual desire toward them. We have sex, but it does not fulfill those same desires as when I was single.

Some of it I attribute to just being familiar and that as people we are always seeking out the unfamiliar. How does one turn the passion back on to the person they love? Am I the only one who works this way? How do I break free of two worlds I want to call one!