The Switch

I am sitting here trying to figure out what to feed my rumbling belly; all the while trying not to be disgusted at the way my belly looks. I have never been in such a complete feeling of awfulness. I can only stand to look at myself from the shoulders up these days and even that leaves a lot to be desired. I know I can lose the weight. I have done this before! I just do not know why the brain has not been turned on to create the desire to do something. When will I begin to win the battle over this beast, how much more disgusted do I have to be?

I have went through my past journals to see what my frame of mind was when I decided to make that change and I came up with this. I was 29 and single. Does that say it all? I knew by the time my birthday rolled around I had no desire to be fat, 30 and single, so I stuck to the plan and got it done. Being single at the time helped as I was constantly in motion. You know being single is kind of like being rich! Always on the go, places to see and people to meet. There was not time to sit and think about what I am going to eat next.

Now as I am approaching my 35th year I have become comfortable with where I am and who I am, apparently too comfortable. There is no longer the pressure of finding the perfect mate or trying to keep up with the younger somethings now I am just me, and while I do like me on the inside I just want that to reflect on the outside. So I go to bed every night and pray to the God’s that I will find that switch, the light will turn on and my body will begin to follow.